Now let me preface this with a comment, there are a variety of marriage situations that students come to MSIH with. Some are married with their spouse back in the States. Some have a spouse who can do work from a remote location, like Israel. Some are able to immigrate, and their spouses can work or study in Israel. Some, like my aforementioned Texan friend, have four children whom they homeschool, and stay plenty busy. In some marriages, both spouses are students! My wife, Kate, and I, are in none of the above situations.
We were married for 366 days when we left for Israel, being basically newlyweds, leaving her Stateside wasn’t an option (since I’ve been here I have been thankful every day for that decision. Few other classmates have even heard of chicken and dumplings). Also, her degree is in Human Development and Family Studies, which I am sure has some viable vocational opportunities from a remote location, but she did not have such a vocation. We are not really interested in becoming Israeli citizens and have no children, so we weren’t really sure what we were getting ourselves (but more specifically, her) into. However, it has truly been a great experience for both of us! I want to briefly detail what it is like for the student in the marriage, and my lovely wife has promised to submit a post later sharing what it’s like for the non-student spouse.
The bad news first, and it is accompanied by a newsflash for the incoming students. Medical school is difficult. It requires substantially greater amounts of time devoted to the academic pursuits than did my bachelor’s degree. The first and most important thing I learned as a married student is that my life had to be more structured. We usually spend every day in class from around 8-3 or 8-5. On top of that, in order to succeed many additional hours are required. Medical school is a little like one of the many microbes we learn about. The conditions in Be’er Sheva are perfect for that little nasty academic to proliferate and completely overgrow your life. Since my wife and I decided that our marriage is more important than my education, I had to learn to structure my life. I want to set aside plenty of time every day to take care of her, help her, and hang out with her, since she’s my favorite person. That means, for me, almost every spare moment is spent studying. During the mid-class 15 minute breaks and the breaks between classes, I strive to remain in my desk, trying to knock out as much studying as I can. During lunch, I finish in 20 minutes so I can spend the next 40 in the library. I do all this so that by the time dinner comes around, I can put my books away for the evening, and enjoy my time with my bride. Also, Friday is a no study day for me, and Kate and I spend the whole day together. It is such a pleasure and much needed rest! Now the good news. I live with my best friend. She is so helpful to me, taking care of so many different things so that we can be together. I’ll let her tell you more about her activities when her blog post comes, but suffice it to say she pays our bills, buys our groceries, does our laundry, cooks our food and does so much more. Remember, these mundane tasks are no small feat in a new country! I have no hesitation in saying I am one spoiled student. Of course I help with those things when I am home and they need to be done, but she is usually way ahead of me. I also am the envy of classmates when I bring my home-cooked lunches to class with me. We love to entertain, so my wife is good to share the wealth by inviting over other classmates to eat dinners with us. I would not trade being married to her for anything in the world.
So, in a nutshell, this post is directed to the nervous married student, who is bringing his or her spouse along and not sure what they will do. Don’t worry, as a student, with a little discipline, you’ll be fine. Your spouse will be fine as well, but I won’t spoil Kate’s post. Look forward to it in the days to come! - blogger of the month, Nathan Douthit
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