After we got married when folks asked Nathan and me what our future plans were, we would respond, “ We are planning on going to medical school.” Upon getting accepted to medical schools we would say, “ We got accepted to….” Almost always people would respond in a surprised tone, “You’re BOTH going to medical school?” Well, we aren’t both students in medical school (we’ll let the Boricks give their wisdom on that!), but since we began, that phrase has become more and more real. Indeed, WEare going to medical school. Besides the fact that we have taken part in this one flesh union, we are both affected by Nathan’s attendance to MSIH. While I do not have the responsibilities of completing homework, studying for exams, and going to class every day, I still bear the weight that comes with those responsibilities. Oftentimes, after a long day apart from my husband, I don’t want to let him study. Many a morning, I am tempted to coerce Nathan into missing class. Upon his arrival home the first thing I want to do is relieve myself of all the words I have stored up. However, I realize, being his partner, I can be his biggest help or his biggest hindrance to doing well in the things he has been called to do.
As his wife and helpmate, it is my desire to encourage Nathan to be diligent in what he does. Nathan understands that he is my husband first, and a medical student second. I know that I don’t have to question whether or not he loves me when he expresses to me that he needs time to study. His being purposeful to establish his love was a big help to me in allowing him the time he needs to be a good student as well. Laying this foundation gave me much comfort as we entered into this unfamiliar season. I am thankful for the confidence of knowing he is always on my team.
We also found it helpful, in a practical sense, to have a schedule. Being married doesn’t come naturally and it requires intentionality, whether a student or not. Being a student just adds to the need to mindfully plan time with one another so as to not let studying take over our lives. (I’ll take this time to say that if you are one who struggles more with the temptation to skip studying, than to let it take you over, than perhaps a schedule would be helpful for you too, just in a different way!) We have found that the best schedule for us is a couple hours of studying when Nathan gets home (whether an exam is coming up or not), and by suppertime books are put away and the evening is ours to spend enjoying time together or fellowshipping with others in our home. Nathan is also good at using breaks during the day as chances to get some studying done (another reminder of his love J). Fridays are his days off: no studying. It’s helpful, when I am tempted to be frustrated by his studying throughout the week, to look forward to a day set aside for just us!
As for my days, no two really look the same. The first of the week, another wife and I make our weekly grocery trip (this is a day all by itself!). Mid week is usually when I run our errands (paying bills, picking up anything we may need, etc.) In the mornings, I try to study Hebrew and practice piano (this is a recent endeavor!) When we first arrived my days were occupied taking an Ulpan with another wife and trying to get a little Hebrew under my belt (still trying!). Now that it’s over, I try to make it a point to visit, call, or have someone over a few times a week. This is a great way to build and nurture relationships (making it feel more like home) and also another way for me to use “my words” so that I’m not spewing thousands all over Nathan as he walks through the door! Other spouses and friends of mine have found opportunities to volunteer in the community. There are plenty of ways to be involved here, it just may take a little effort! It’s been a learning experience for sure, one that continues constantly, but I am thankful for the way it has grown our relationship and that Be’er Sheva is becoming our home more and more each day.
So to you non-student spouses who are concerned about how your time here will be spent and how you will wander your way through this uncertain territory, know that there are many ways to make a life here in the desert. It is a challenge that requires intentionality, however, take comfort in knowing you’re not the first and only ones to experience this journey, and you’re not alone. Take the losses in stride and rejoice with your spouse in the victories you share! - guest blogger Kate Douthit
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