Part 2: to the non-student spouse, by guest blogger Kate Douthit

After we got married when folks asked Nathan and me what our future plans were, we would respond, “ We are planning on going to medical school.” Upon getting accepted to medical schools we would say, “ We got accepted to….” Almost always people would respond in a surprised tone, “You’re BOTH going to medical school?” Well, we aren’t both students in medical school (we’ll let the Boricks give their wisdom on that!), but since we began, that phrase has become more and more real. Indeed, WEare going to medical school. Besides the fact that we have taken part in this one flesh union, we are both affected by Nathan’s attendance to MSIH. While I do not have the responsibilities of completing homework, studying for exams, and going to class every day, I still bear the weight that comes with those responsibilities. Oftentimes, after a long day apart from my husband, I don’t want to let him study. Many a morning, I am tempted to coerce Nathan into missing class. Upon his arrival home the first thing I want to do is relieve myself of all the words I have stored up. However, I realize, being his partner, I can be his biggest help or his biggest hindrance to doing well in the things he has been called to do.

            As his wife and helpmate, it is my desire to encourage Nathan to be diligent in what he does. Nathan understands that he is my husband first, and a medical student second. I know that I don’t have to question whether or not he loves me when he expresses to me that he needs time to study. His being purposeful to establish his love was a big help to me in allowing him the time he needs to be a good student as well. Laying this foundation gave me much comfort as we entered into this unfamiliar season. I am thankful for the confidence of knowing he is always on my team.

            We also found it helpful, in a practical sense, to have a schedule. Being married doesn’t come naturally and it requires intentionality, whether a student or not. Being a student just adds to the need to mindfully plan time with one another so as to not let studying take over our lives. (I’ll take this time to say that if you are one who struggles more with the temptation to skip studying, than to let it take you over, than perhaps a schedule would be helpful for you too, just in a different way!) We have found that the best schedule for us is a couple hours of studying when Nathan gets home (whether an exam is coming up or not), and by suppertime books are put away and the evening is ours to spend enjoying time together or fellowshipping with others in our home. Nathan is also good at using breaks during the day as chances to get some studying done (another reminder of his love J). Fridays are his days off: no studying. It’s helpful, when I am tempted to be frustrated by his studying throughout the week, to look forward to a day set aside for just us!

            As for my days, no two really look the same. The first of the week, another wife and I make our weekly grocery trip (this is a day all by itself!). Mid week is usually when I run our errands (paying bills, picking up anything we may need, etc.) In the mornings, I try to study Hebrew and practice piano (this is a recent endeavor!) When we first arrived my days were occupied taking an Ulpan with another wife and trying to get a little Hebrew under my belt (still trying!). Now that it’s over, I try to make it a point to visit, call, or have someone over a few times a week. This is a great way to build and nurture relationships (making it feel more like home) and also another way for me to use “my words” so that I’m not spewing thousands all over Nathan as he walks through the door!  Other spouses and friends of mine have found opportunities to volunteer in the community. There are plenty of ways to be involved here, it just may take a little effort! It’s been a learning experience for sure, one that continues constantly, but I am thankful for the way it has grown our relationship and that Be’er Sheva is becoming our home more and more each day.

            So to you non-student spouses who are concerned about how your time here will be spent and how you will wander your way through this uncertain territory, know that there are many ways to make a life here in the desert. It is a challenge that requires intentionality, however, take comfort in knowing you’re not the first and only ones to experience this journey, and you’re not alone. Take the losses in stride and rejoice with your spouse in the victories you share!  - guest blogger Kate Douthit

Being Married in MSIH (Part 1: The Student's View) by Nathan Douthit

As I sit here and ponder what to write, I am reminded of all the questions I had when I was preparing for starting at MSIH. You know, crucial things, like, “Will there be Dr. Pepper?” (Sadly no, except for on rare occasions.) “Will there be other people from the south?” (Again, mostly no, except for a classmate from Texas, which is basically its own country anyway.) “Will the language come naturally?” (Absolutely not.) But the most important question I had was, “Will my wife be okay?”

Now let me preface this with a comment, there are a variety of marriage situations that students come to MSIH with. Some are married with their spouse back in the States. Some have a spouse who can do work from a remote location, like Israel. Some are able to immigrate, and their spouses can work or study in Israel. Some, like my aforementioned Texan friend, have four children whom they homeschool, and stay plenty busy. In some marriages, both spouses are students! My wife, Kate, and I, are in none of the above situations.

We were married for 366 days when we left for Israel, being basically newlyweds, leaving her Stateside wasn’t an option (since I’ve been here I have been thankful every day for that decision. Few other classmates have even heard of chicken and dumplings). Also, her degree is in Human Development and Family Studies, which I am sure has some viable vocational opportunities from a remote location, but she did not have such a vocation. We are not really interested in becoming Israeli citizens and have no children, so we weren’t really sure what we were getting ourselves (but more specifically, her) into. However, it has truly been a great experience for both of us! I want to briefly detail what it is like for the student in the marriage, and my lovely wife has promised to submit a post later sharing what it’s like for the non-student spouse.

The bad news first, and it is accompanied by a newsflash for the incoming students. Medical school is difficult. It requires substantially greater amounts of time devoted to the academic pursuits than did my bachelor’s degree. The first and most important thing I learned as a married student is that my life had to be more structured. We usually spend every day in class from around 8-3 or 8-5. On top of that, in order to succeed many additional hours are required. Medical school is a little like one of the many microbes we learn about. The conditions in Be’er Sheva are perfect for that little nasty academic to proliferate and completely overgrow your life. Since my wife and I decided that our marriage is more important than my education, I had to learn to structure my life. I want to set aside plenty of time every day to take care of her, help her, and hang out with her, since she’s my favorite person. That means, for me, almost every spare moment is spent studying. During the mid-class 15 minute breaks and the breaks between classes, I strive to remain in my desk, trying to knock out as much studying as I can. During lunch, I finish in 20 minutes so I can spend the next 40 in the library. I do all this so that by the time dinner comes around, I can put my books away for the evening, and enjoy my time with my bride. Also, Friday is a no study day for me, and Kate and I spend the whole day together. It is such a pleasure and much needed rest!

Now the good news. I live with my best friend. She is so helpful to me, taking care of so many different things so that we can be together. I’ll let her tell you more about her activities when her blog post comes, but suffice it to say she pays our bills, buys our groceries, does our laundry, cooks our food and does so much more. Remember, these mundane tasks are no small feat in a new country! I have no hesitation in saying I am one spoiled student. Of course I help with those things when I am home and they need to be done, but she is usually way ahead of me. I also am the envy of classmates when I bring my home-cooked lunches to class with me. We love to entertain, so my wife is good to share the wealth by inviting over other classmates to eat dinners with us. I would not trade being married to her for anything in the world.

So, in a nutshell, this post is directed to the nervous married student, who is bringing his or her spouse along and not sure what they will do. Don’t worry, as a student, with a little discipline, you’ll be fine. Your spouse will be fine as well, but I won’t spoil Kate’s post. Look forward to it in the days to come!  - blogger of the month, Nathan Douthit